Social Anxiety Meetup!

Last weekend I attended a social anxiety meetup w/ four members of socialanxietysupport.com. This was the first meetup I've been to since 2009...boy does time fly! Well went alright...the people were very nice. We went out for coffee and to this burger place named, "Bill Goat Tavern" (fyi not the best burgers). Had nice conversations...weirdly I socialized with the girl in the group more than I did with the two guys, but that was probably because the two guys were fairly attractive... difficult for me to converse with attractive men.

There were a few dogs and pigeons (birds that don't fly away when you're close to them) around town as we walked. I freaked a bit, and that was embarrassing, but the girl made me feel so protected. Even though I just met her for the first time, and she's an animal lover.....she seemed to take my animal phobia as a serious matter and cared.

Overall...had a good time and I look forward to the next meetup this month!

Starting To Get Into FB

Why haven't I updated my blog for awhile since yesterday??? It's because of Facebook. No, I haven't gone out and got social -- I wish! Facebook is easier to post status updates, and get things off my chest. I've gotten accustomed to Facebook. Most people I have on there are online friends. It's cool to be apart of something so popular that I thought I could never be able to...yes, I'm talking about Facebook lol. Facebook is a common topic amongst the world and I felt like I was missing out on something wonderful...I wasn't, it's not THAT great, but must admit it's nice to have. I've been really procrastinating on this blog...but I will start getting back into writing again, because this blog is an important part of my life -- I can look back on it and see how i've grown or how I haven't grown throughout the years. 

Hopefully more updates will be coming soon guys!

Desperate for Weight Loss!

Lately my weight has really been bothering me because I'll be leaving for the summer, and I want to be fit. It's hard to get there, and definitely difficult to grasp motivation! Telling myself I'll workout every week, and I never do isn't working. The environment I'm in is dangerously unhealthy. What the hell can I do? It's seriously driving me nuts. I want to lose this weight...the older you get the harder it is to lose weight, but the fatter you are the easier it is to shed pounds. People tell me if I did it before...I can do it again, and that's so true, but I don't know where to begin!

Comfort eating...not good. I suspect I may have binge eating disorder...not sure though. Maybe when I go see my psychiatrist tomorrow I can speak with him about it. When I get depressed my mind tells me to eat, and unhealthy at that....continuously I eat. Gawd! Have to stop this shit!

Clip of the Week

Artist: Florence + The Machine

Song: Shake It Out

Need to Get The Hell Out!!!

Sometimes I question if my dad loves me because he never says anything positive or nice. It's usually demanding or negative. Little does he know...he's driving me insane. I need to get the hell out of here. It's not fun being nearly twenty-two and living with your parent's because you still have to go by their "rules", and whatever they say goes; makes you feel like a kid.

I want to move where my boyfriend lives. Even though it's quite the distance, it's worth it. Whatever it takes I want to get the hell out of here. Wish my dad was like he used to be. Now he's like a zombie. I think he's depressed although he won't ever admit that since he has the Lord. He's tearing me apart...everything I want to do I always think to myself, "what will dad think?" when it doesn't fucking matter because whatever he thinks isn't going to be good. Nothing I do fucking satisfies him...even though I haven't done much to begin with.

Dad always wanted me to work in the medical field, become a lawyer, or become famous in some way. I didn't meet his expectations, so therefore I'm a failure in his eyes. At nearly twenty-two I still don't know what I want to do with my life exactly. GRRRRRRRRRRRR...I want to be happy!!!! That's all I ask for, and with my boyfriend I AM HAPPY!

What's Been Going On?

I'm losing motivation in tons of things including this blog. I have lots going on, school, finding work, future plans, etc...in all, STRESS! School is going okay, but my attention span isn't long, and that frustrates me.

Home life, not so great. I feel so uncomfortable here. My dad walks around the house looking like he's going to have a nervous breakdown at any moment. I don't speak to my brothers. As you know my sister moved out a year ago. So...it's been really awkward. 

Personal life, I have something to tell you guys. Remember those months I spent away from blogging? Well...I'm in long distance relationship. It's tough, but good when we spend time together for awhile. This visit, he rented out a beautiful home. Being with him, and not under my parent's roof daily has made realize how awesome independence can be! We didn't do much this time around...did things normal couples do on an average day. Went for walks, into the city, watched movies, cooked, clean, etc. Oh, he did take me on a romantic get away to this very nice suite at a Lodge. Really sweet of him. He's challenged me with animals. We went to pet stores a few times -- some days were difficult than others of course, but I didn't die lol. He met my parents/family for the first time...they weren't to keen on meeting him because of our fourteen year age difference, but I think they're finally accepting him...considering how much he makes me happy.One of my online friends visited the area, so we met up w/ him. Was nice, I was so quiet, thank god my boyfriend was here to cover my ass lol. We're not a perfect couple I must say...we did have our disagreements and arguments during the duration he was here, but what couple doesn't!?!?!? I love him so much, a real sweetheart. He makes me happy. I will be spending the whole summer with him...can't wait!